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Things Pregnant Women Should Not Search for on the Internet

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Everyone tells women to stay away from Google when they’re pregnant. It’s actually not that bad. Honestly, I always end up feeling like a judgey bitch when I Google pregnancy questions, because it almost always leads to a forum where anyone can respond, and I sit there and think, “My God! You can’t spell or use basic grammar. Why do you think the world needs more of you?”

I know. I’m awful. And the worst part is, most of the advice they give is pretty useful.
I was more in to Googling what I can and can’t eat at the beginning of my pregnancy. But I kept forgetting what was allowed and what wasn’t, and I think I’ve somehow consumed more soft cheeses than at any other point in my life. So I gave up on all of that. I eat pretty much anything now.

My biggest problem is searching for pictures of women who are at the same point in their pregnancy. Everyone is always skinnier than me. ALWAYS. And literally, when I look at pictures of women who look like me, they’re carrying multiples. I am definitely NOT carrying more than one baby. So it’s sad.

Also, I didn’t put this in the comic, because it’s a little morbid – I keep looking up pictures of babies born at however many weeks I am. I just want to be prepared – I want to see what he looks like in there, see if he’s do all right outside the womb. That kind of thing. It probably makes me sound like a total creep…this entire blog entry is making me sound like a jerk.

Ugh, AND I look up pictures of things like mucus plugs. I think the mucus plug is a more scarring search than the placenta. People describe the placenta in horrifying terms, so when you see a picture of one, it’s not as bad as what your imagination put together. But the mucus plug? Ugh.

About carrtoons@gmail.com

Chelsea Carr has been cartooning for over ten years. Currently, she works as the editorial cartoonist for Harford County’s The Aegis and The Record. She has also had her work included in MAD Magazine, b, and Baltimore’s City Paper. Chelsea holds a B.F.A. from the Maryland Institute, College of Art (2005) and an M.A.T. from Johns Hopkins University (2011.) In addition to cartooning and being a first-time mother, she has worked as an elementary school art teacher.

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